Sarcastic, moi?

Right now your home could be in danger.
I'm not referring to the dreaded credit crunch or market crash, but a much more sinister evil lurking in your kitchen.
This seemingly innocuous device has the power to turn a piece of bread into a raging inferno which could consume your house and all your possessions (except that asbestos donkey your uncle Nigel bought back from Spain which you have to keep out of reach of the kids).
That's right, I'm talking about toasters, the hidden menace waiting to turn our suburbs into a hellish apocalyptic blaze.
Many of you may not be aware of the dangers this seemingly harmless invention poses to humanity, and I myself was blissfully ignorant until just a few hours ago.
That was until our office manager received a reply to a naive request from editorial to invite this lurking monster into our kitchen.
Our HR bods were quick to inform her that toasters are a "fire hazard" and therefore not allowed.
If only more people realised the danger they are putting themselves and their loved ones in purely for the sake of a bit of burnt bread, and maybe the occasional crumpet.
So I have decided to spread the word - get home now, run if you have to, tear your toaster from its plug and throw it down the nearest well or convenient chasm, for if you don't you never know when it might strike.
In fact why stop at toasters? I'm proposing removing our kitchen sink as it poses a "drowning hazard" and all our office pens are going right out the window to remove possible "poking in the eye hazards".
If people don't look out for these things for us we will never survive in this terrifying world.