Word up

I literally could not be more annoyed.

Or could I?

I'm sat at my desk, pondering the many misuses of the English language which I encounter every day and silently fuming. So I am pretty annoyed, but what if someone shoved a jar of wasps over my head, beat it with a wooden spoon and made me interview Noel Edmonds using only the question "So why are you so successful?" That would definitely increase my levels of irritation, proving my opening statement to be a falsehood and showing up one of the greatest everyday language misuses which grate against my very soul.

As journalists we are supposed to be smiths of words and, as I referred to in an earlier blog post, accuracy is everything. This is not limited solely to spelling and punctuation but to meaning, which holds an even more important role in conveying stories.

Unfortunately this respect for the official definition of words in the great English lexicon does not seem to be shared by all who indulge in the parlance of our times. A good example of this was spotted by one of our young hacks, David, while watching an 800m Olympic swimming race on television. Apparently as the aquatic foreswimmer gained a healthy lead the commentator was heard to say: "She is literally miles out in front." Really? In the 800m?

So there it is, a common everyday misuse which, if I had been born into my rightful place in society as one of your classic lightning-bolt hurling deities, would see half the population getting a ruddy good smiting. But why stop there? Here are some other common language abuses which would have me reaching for the electrodes:

Pacifically - e.g. "I was pacifically told by the doctor I have an IQ of 45." Hear this world: PACIFICALLY IS NOT A WORD. Specifically, yes, pacifically, no. I won't even accept it to mean 'in the style of an ocean.'

Decimate - e.g. "New York's twin towers were decimated by the September 11 attacks." If they had been then 99 of their 110 floors would still be standing and there would probably be one less terrible Oliver Stone film in the world. This is because decimated means to destroy one tenth of, not completely obliterate as it is so often used to convey.

Innit - e.g. "I went to Lidl to get some gingerbread for me nan innit?" Where do you even start with this one? Okay, firstly it's isn't it, two words, three syllables. But secondly, and most importantly of all, you can't turn a phrase into a question just by adding 'innit' to the end, however much your mates, who have all skipped English class to go smoke crack behind the Humvee shed, agree with you.

Boxercise - e.g. "I can't finish this Pina Colada or I will be too drunk for my boxercise class." Boxing is a word. Exercise is a word. Boxing exercise could conceivably be the name of a fitness class. Boxercise is not a word, it's not even a real thing, it's callanetics while wearing big red gloves so you look like an epileptic clown as far as I can tell.

Right, that's enough vitriol for me for the day, I'm literally going to fly as I have to get to my boxercise class, pacifically at the gym which was built after the cinema was decimated by a fire innit?