Teenage kicks

Do you know where your kids are?

Sure, they could be at school, college, work, or, in my case, but a twinkle in someone's eye, but are you sure? What if they're indulging in a drugs-fuelled orgy, injecting heroin into their ears while writhing in a naked mass of teenage bodies, all being filmed to be posted on Youtube or Facebook?

This may sound unlikely, but that's only until you learn of the immoral activities of 'Generation Sex'. If you are unaware of this scourge on the face of society, let the Daily Mail educate you with this article, published today.

This is textbook Mail stuff - it reinforces the idea that society is something to be feared and we are collapsing into the last days of the Roman Empire. It also reinforces the idea that in 'The Good Old Days' (Copyright Daily Mail), when the world was black and white, kids sat quietly and pleasantly, amusing themselves with a cup and ball and never once even acknowledging they had genitals until they were adults with moustaches (including the women).

The problem is that even if Ms Lichtenstein does have some pertinent points they are buried in such sensationalist ramblings that any dissection instantly leads to their collapse. Glazing over such ridiculous digressions as the obligatory insertion of fear of paedophiles into the piece, it still seems that all we are left with is a lot of unanswered questions, without any real solution being offered, other than to "pull up our pants".

For a start, our esteemed author claims that the internet makes it easy to access sexually explicit material at the click of a button. But there are many parental filters out there which will not let little Johnny and his furtive imagination discover anything more offensive than a Tellytubby.

Then there's just the simple fact that teenagers are teenagers, and I can remember during my youth the excitement elicited when one of my classmates smuggled a pornographic magazine into the playground and displayed it proudly for all to see. Enquiring pubescent minds will find this sort of thing however hard you try to stop them (whether they know what to do with it afterwards is another thing - I remember at least a couple of worried looking spotty faces gazing with barely-hidden confusion at the centrefold in all her adult glory), so surely it is better to responsibly educate them on the facts of life, rather than trying to hide it like a dirty secret, leaving them (often literally) fumbling in the dark.

If Ms Lichtenstein is so worried about these debauched parties her daughter is apparently attending, why is she allowing her to go to them in the first place? She offers us a lot of examples of problems within today's modern society, but no solutions and she seems unwilling to lead by example. What I want to know is does she still allow her 13-year-old daughter on Facebook? Is she making an effort to keep her away from 'Skins parties'? And most importantly has she actually sat down and discussed this whole thing with her progeny? Now there's a video I'd be tempted to watch on Youtube.